An Apology to a Dead Man

I'm sorry Walter.
I tried.
But I didn't know the things I was doing wrong, as I did them.

I loved him.
And I thought that was enough.

I didn't know the damage I was doing.

I hope that she is better for him than I was.
I didn't mean to destroy the person that he was.
I didn't know that I didn't know how to love.
And I'm sorry that he died through my learning.

I was oblivious to the changes.
And I didn't know how to ask about the pain.
I tried to do things to pull him out,
to make him happy,
to give him hope.
I didn't know.

And all I can say now is
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I tried.

He really was beautiful once.

A poem

I thought of you today.

The pain was sharp and deep

          and I couldn't stop my tears.

I thought of you today.

I drank some wine

          and tried to numb my soul.

I thought of you today.

There was a father

          holding the hand of a small child.

I thought of you today.

There was a man biking in the country

          with a smile on his face.

I thought of you today.

The pain was dull

          and my heart was full of longing.

I thought of you today.

There were children on the beach

          and the ocean washed my toes.

I thought of you today.

The sunlight streamed through my window

          and warmed the bed.

I thought of you today.

I heard a song on the radio

          that you used to sing.

I thought of you today.

There was a rainbow in the sky

          and the colours danced.

I thought of you today.

And wept.