The Value of a PhD - 3 Years Later

May 24, 2009, was the third year anniversary of my receiving my PhD. I was going to blog on that day but, honestly, was too busy with other things, and so I've been hitting "snooze" on my reminder pop-up for the past two months! Most people assume that a PhD is a Good Thing, and no one ever talks about the (non-financial) costs of doing a PhD. Having done that in my post when I had been out of school for one year, my approach this time around will be different. First, I'll tell you how I spent my third year anniversary. Second, I'll tell you where I am right now. Third, I'll make a few observations about my friends. I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to the worth of a PhD.

How I spent my day: May 24 was a Sunday, on the American Memorial Day weekend. I spent the weekend with some friends (more accurately, friends of friends, who are becoming my friends as well), who have a beautiful house right on Lake Washington. We went out for breakfast, went into the mountains to see a waterfall, then spent the afternoon boating on the lake. IIRC, I think we took the boat into Seattle that night for supper, but it could have been Mexican in Richland - the days of the weekend kind of blur together. It was sunny and warm and fabulous, with lots of joking and laughter. These are friends whom I would never have met were it not for path I ended up on due to the PhD. (Note that none of these friends have PhDs - one is in IT, one was in banking, one was a model and TV actor, one is a TV producer, one is an architect.)

Where I am right now: I am sitting in the living room of my apartment in Heidelberg, Germany, where I am staying for the summer. I'm in Germany because I wanted to go away for the summer, and this seemed like a good place to go. I'm not actually sure why I'm renting a place, since by the end of three months I will have spent maybe four weeks here due to a busy travel schedule. I absolutely love traveling, and I would not have the amazing job I have right now - that gives me the flexibility to travel like this - were it not for the PhD.

Observations on friends: My closest friends fall into two categories: (1) those who have a PhD (or were getting one at the same time) and (2) those who met me *after* I got my PhD. People whom I thought were my friends while I was doing my PhD, it turns out, were not as understanding as I had given them credit for being. Many of the people whom I thanked in my acknowledgments were not talking to me two months later. The PhD took a toll on all my personal relationships - which I didn't notice at all while doing the PhD because I was focused on the dissertation. It's almost like going diving and, when you surface again, learning that there was a war and everything around you is now burning. The only friends who really understood this, and whom are still friends, are ones who already had their PhD. Apart from that, most of my current friends have never seen my natural hair colour, have never seen me at 155 lbs (yikes!), and have never seen the lows in self-confidence.

So, in the end, the PhD gave me a great job and lots of travel. But the social life had to essentially start from scratch. Ask yourself now, before you start a PhD, which you value more - a career, or your personal relationships.